Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Thursday, April 15, 2004

I'm in trouble. Spring break threw me off a bit. It is hard to focus when you are being mom, chauffeur, referee, hotel concierge, fashion consultant, maid, contractor, secretary, operator, mediator, banker, Easter Bunny, while still trying to be a writer and artist.

And I thought making a few lunches in the morning was tough. Unless I give up some jobs, my summer is going to be much more hectic than I anticipated. I think I'll start by giving up the unpaid positions. Oh wait, that would be all of them.

Since I really like the writer and artist jobs, I think I'll keep them. I'll continue to cross the fingers and toes and keep hoping for pay on those. And I do love being a mom, and the title is very easy to spell, so I will keep that job too!

Let's see, should I give up the chauffeur's position? Maybe I'll just cut back on my clientele. Driving around two of my own (buying oldest son that car was a smart thing to do!) keeps me busy enough. I think I will have to tell passengers x, y and z that they will have to find a new limousine service. They didn't tip well anyway, so it won't be a huge loss. I know passengers a and b won't be happy about the loss of company but the limo (and driver) could use the time off.

While the referee position can get fun sometimes--Ok I'm lying here--I don't look good in the uniform and I can't stand the sound of the whistle.

I labeled it hotel concierge because that sounds so much better than the Roach Round-up Queen at the No-tell Motel--OK, so it is not that bad, but somewhere in between. I would call it the sleep hotel, but it is more like a Sleep and Eat Hotel. Will someone tell the guests that the food is not free. I have the receipts to prove it. While your at it can you let the guests know that the wake up policy is as follows: One wake up call per person per day. With all my other job responsibilities, I do not have time to go to each room every fifteen minutes and beg guests to get out of bed.

Little needs to be said about the maid's position. This one I would give up in a heart beat. I hate to clean. If I give it up though, the board of health has promised to come in and shut us down.

In my next life I am going to live in a world with no phones. Since I don't have a choice in this life, then I want one of those head sets to wear all day. Really, it would be much better than wandering around the house all day looking for the cordless phone. Follow the beep! I quit the cubicle because I hated being a secretary and operator and here I am doing the same thing for far less money.

I would love to be a fashion consultant under normal circumstances. But my fashion sense is, well, quite awful. I have no problem wearing purple plaid pajama bottoms and an equally tacky sweatshirt all day everyday. I cringe when I have to get dressed. This should be the first clue that my answer to "Does this look OK?" is going to be, "Yea that's fine." I have also learned that actually stating any other opinion is not an option. Have you ever actually told a teenage girl that the outfit she spent hours picking doesn't look good on her? I don't think anyone has and lived to tell about it.

The fashion consultant job is really a farce anyway. I am only asked for advice on clothing for one reason. It goes hand and hand with my banker job. As a fashion consultant, a typical consult goes like this:

Client (disguised as teen daughter): How does this outfit look?
Highly trained fashion consultant (disguised as PJ wearing mother): It looks good.
Client (no longer disguising herself): You're just saying that because you don't want to buy me any more clothes. I need spring clothes. I don't have anything to wear.

This is where I wish I was a musician so I could start playin' the violin! But I'm giving up jobs, not taking on more.

posted by Kelly @ 4/15/2004 07:15:00 AM

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