Kelly Gibbons, artist and writer, about me

Friday, January 09, 2004

Yesterday I really thought about giving this up. Writing that is. From no where I had the thought, "I don't want to be a writer." I brushed it off, because this is after all what I have talked about doing for more than four years. Actually even longer. When I pulled that poem out the other day, my first thought was, "Wow, I have really wanted to write for a long time.

Then I really started thinking about it. Did I really want this?

I started thinking that it was too hard. OK, I have had some small success, but ideas are few and far between, and the pay is not good. OK, so I am having fun writing these articles but what am I making on them, about $2.00 an hour.

Again, I brushed it off. What was thinking.

The doubt is back.

I read a bunch of blogs. Everyone else is gaining momentum. I am standing still. I don't want to be a writer. That's it, I'm quitting. But wait, I love to work at home. I'll find something else to do.

I wrote my entry and walked away. Why am I back here? Why am I doubting myself again? My head is spinning. I have come so far and now I want to turn back. I want this to be easy. I am tired and this isn't fun any more.

I worked on an article.
Nothing is going right.
Everything I touch today turns out wrong.
I screamed, "Ok, if your listening, if I am really supposed to do this, then send me a sign. This is too hard. I have no idea where to begin." I was talking to the universe.

Then emails started to arrive (Not all addressed to me specific but they spoke to me none the less): -- (: I had to add this the other was an unintentional frown--

"have you thought of contacting some of the freelance writing newsletters online?"
"I think writing plans have to be created on an individual basis"
"Looking back over the last year, what writing accomplishments are you especially proud of?"
"What are your goals for 2004?"
"Call for Submissions"
"We all spin our wheels from time to time - the idling helps us to decide the next direction we'll take."
And there were so many more (50 or 60 in all I think--all so inspiring and just what I needed to hear)

There were other signs. Everywhere I turn these days there is a reference to a book I read 2 years ago called Write it Down, Make it Happen: Knowing What You Want and Getting It by Henriette Anne Klauser. It served me well the first time, and I think it is time for a re-read.

So, thank you to all who contacted me directly and thank you for those who touched me indirectly. Basically thank you to the universe for once again giving me what I needed.

posted by Kelly @ 1/09/2004 09:40:00 AM

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