Tuesday, February 01, 2005
The girl that would be a writer (that would be me), hasn't been much of a writer lately. And she's tired of it. The girl that would be an artist (that would also be me) has only dabbled in art lately, and she's also tired of it.

That's right, I'm tired of saying "I'm an artist and a writer" and not doing anything about it. And actually, the only place I say "I'm an artist and a writer," is here (and occasionally to my family when I think they are in a good mood and can stand to hear me stay it one more time.) Why do I only say it here? Because no one here can stare back at me with that blank look, or condescending nod. Oh that's nice, you're a writer and an artist.

I can write. I can draw. And, yes, those two things alone make me an artist and a writer. I know this. I have read all the books. I do believe this. However, when I started out on this journey of mine, I never intended on that being enough. My goal was not to simply be a writer and an artist. My goal was to make a living doing those things. I am tired of settling. I feel like I just hit the playback button. I have definitely said these words before.

Here I am, a year and a half later, still as confused about some things as I was when I started. Still, earning the same amount (that would be nothing), and still talking about when I'll do this, that or the other thing about writing and art. So when exactly am I going TO DO this, that or the other thing?

Thus far, the answers have been elusive. Why? 'Cause I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what the next step should be, and all of the steps I have taken so far have led no where. I know there are more steps to take, but I don't know what they are.

That's right, I'm standing up, coming out of the closet, waving the white flag, and doing every other cliche thing I can think of to get some attention.

Maybe admitting that the way things are going is not OK with me will be enough of a kick in the pants to get myself in gear. Probably not. So far, this type of revelation has done diddly squat! But, maybe it is a good thing that I keep having them. At least it means I haven't given up.

Of course you know much of this ranting is a side effect of the birthday cake. Birthdays always make me act this way. Too bad I couldn't have a birthday everyday to keep the motivation going.
posted by Kelly @ 2/01/2005 05:40:00 AM  
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Name: Kelly Gibbons
Home: Dallas, Pennsylvania, United States
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