| Tuesday, September 28, 2004 |
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Yesterday I had to go to a seminar for work, and the one thing that stuck with me the most was what the speaker said about creativity. She was an expert in trauma and she talked about the importance of creativity. It is a huge part of self healing and she said it is critical to the survival of mankind. She pointed out that not one culture in history has ever not used the creative arts. Think about that, not one culture ever. She said that creativity is part of our evolutionary nature. It is part of our makeup. We are born creative, everyone of us. When we are not being creative we are not functioning properly.
She also talked about how almost every patient who is asked to draw, paint, or write resists doing it. The typical response is, "I'm not good at that, I can't do it." Why? Because, someone along the way let them believe that they could not do it. Once they started, they realized that they were great at it.
I have also responded this way, many, many times. I know a lot of people who have. It's time for all of us to stop doing this. We need to create and be creative to be happy. It is that simple. We all need to remember that it is part of us, and that no matter how much we resist, or give in to doubt and fear, it will not go away.
Personally, I know this is true. I always feel better when I make the time to write or paint. I have brought myself out of really bad moods by picking up a pencil or a paint brush. The simple act of creating something really does make me feel better. Every single time I have doubted myself, as an artist or writer, I cured myself by creating something.
My suggestion: To be happy you must create, so go create something wonderful right now. |
posted by Kelly @ 9/28/2004 04:44:00 PM   |
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| Thursday, September 23, 2004 |
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Last year before I quit my job as a customer service rep, i posted this quote in my cubicle:
Everything changed
the day he figured out
there was exactly enough time
for the important things in his life.
Brian Andreas
American Artist and Storyteller
If it is important to take a nap, take it.
If it is important to work, then work.
If it is important to draw, then draw.
If it is important to laugh, then laugh.
Do the things that you thing are important and everything will be just fine.
Don't do the things that aren't important and you will have all the extra time you need. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/23/2004 05:29:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, September 21, 2004 |
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Miss Kelly (my teacher name) is Miss Tired. Miss Very Tired. I've been neglecting other things since starting the new job. I don't want to slack off, because it is hard to get back into the swing of things when you do that. But to be quite honest, I'm too tired to even thing about doing other things.
My imagination is on overload! I thought my year as a writer and artist could prepare me for a classroom. Yikes! It is quite possible that in one day in the classroom, I use more imagination more than I did in the 10 months I was off. In 45 minutes I am a pirate, the captain of a boat, a donut maker, a star (the twinkling kind), a mommy, the babysitter, a castle builder, a singer, a dancer, a painter, a teacher, a nurse, a storyteller, a pizza maker, and whatever else a room full of three and four year olds came dream up.
This blog might be neglected until I can adjust to the new schedule. It's not the only thing that has been neglected.
I have tried to keep up on writing my novel and I am up to 17,600, but I have even slacked on that in the last few days. I feel guilty neglecting this, because it is very important to me.
Exercise has been neglected. Run three miles? Can you do that with both eyes closed? I can barely drag myself to bed at night, running three miles seems as impossible as running a marathon at this moment.
The housework has been neglected--but this has always been low priority, so that's where it will remain. There's a clear path in and out the door, the dishwasher gets run and there's only a small back-up of laundry, so I'll live. A few dust bunnies won't kill me. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/21/2004 12:34:00 PM |
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| Friday, September 17, 2004 |
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I survived 2 more days on the job. I'm exhausted, but happy. The job is mostly fun.
I can't put "details" here for confidentiality reasons, but here are some of the reasons it is a great job:
The people I work with are genuinely happy to see me everyday. I mean, really, really excited. And it is not a fake happy--they mean it and I know it. The adults are nice too.
I get hugs "just because." And someone always wants to hold my hand, sit on my lap, or sit next to me at lunch.
I get to play with playdough.
I get to sing everyday. We sing to say good morning. We sing in a circle. We sing to go in groups. We sing to line up. We sing before we eat. Everything has a song. I'm not the greatest singing in the world, and I don't know all the songs. Yet, not one person has laughed at my awful singing voice or made fun of me because I don't know the words.
I've also learned (or was reminded) that:
Accidents happen, it's OK.
If you are crying one minute and laughing the next, you are normal. And if you are laughing one minute, and crying the next, well, that's normal too.
It's OK to ask for help, everyone needs some at times.
Little milk cartoons are hard to open.
So far, the job gets a thumbs up. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/17/2004 12:52:00 PM |
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| As much as I love the white boxes and the little red x's...they aren't there by choice. The server that supplies my images is have some issues and the real pictures should be back soon. Sorry for the blahness, it will be fixed soon (I hope---cross your fingers). |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/17/2004 05:55:00 AM |
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| Wednesday, September 15, 2004 |
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I survived the first day back out there in the real world, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. OK, so it was only orientation, but...hey baby steps. Actually it got me even more excited about this position. I knew a little about head start, but learned more today. I thought it was a good program for early childhood education, and I think it is even better than I thought. For one thing, the major philosophy is that kids learn through play. Hmm, isn't that what I have tried to do for the past year?
Any place that has story hour, snack time, and designated play areas for art, sand, water and blocks, is tops in my book. And that is just for starters. I also get to sing, play outside and at times there are scheduled drama days.
Tomorrow I get to meet my classroom for the first time. I am very excited about that. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/15/2004 12:17:00 PM |
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| Monday, September 13, 2004 |
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I have been alternating between excited and panicked over the new job. At the moment I am panicked!
What if I take this job and don't have time to write? Like, say I am offered the perfect assignment, and I blow it because I just don't have time. What if work takes over as it always has before and I just don't feel like writing. How will my novel ever get finished?
I'm also starting to think about the money. Is this job really going to pay enough to make a difference. Now, I'll have to buy clothes again, and lunch (I have mentioned that I have lived in pajamas and survived on leftovers for a year, right?). And now I'll use more gas, not to mention more wear and tear on an already worn and torn car. Will it be worth it to go to work everyday?
What if I don't like the people I work with? What if they don't like me?
And, what if I don't like this job at all, and get back to that place where I hate to go to work everyday? Sure, I can quit, and then what? Start this whole process over again? I'm not sure I can take it.
What if I get offered a ton of freelance work and have to turn it down? Then will I fell horrible knowing that I could have continued working from home?
Logical me knows this will all work out, and this is something I need to do right now. Logical me knows that I might get more freelance work, but when it is done there are no guarantees of more. Logical me knows that I need a paying job right now, and that the job I am getting is something I always wanted to do.
Crazy me wants to keep working at home and praying for a miracle. Crazy me wants to shout to the universe that this isn't fair, and wants the universe to tell me why I wasn't able to do this. I worked hard, I learned so much, why then wasn't I able to make this work? Crazy me is demanding answers. Logical me is saying, "Everything is as it should be. This to has meaning."
Logical me is excited and looking forward to a new adventure and new opportunities. Logical me feels this is right. Crazy me is scared and feeling like a failure.
I sure hope the two me's can get their act together by Wednesday before they walk out into the real world again. They are well understood in my world, but I'm not so sure the rest of the world will be able to handle them. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/13/2004 10:44:00 AM |
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| Saturday, September 11, 2004 |
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The job search is over. Next Wednesday, I'm officially back "out there." I'm going to be an assistant teacher for Head Start. This is actually a job I have always wanted. When I quit my office job last year, I even put a resume there, but didn't get a call.
I have always wanted to be a teacher, but lacked the "degree" so I didn't pursue it. When I went to my interview yesterday, I was asked what kind of experience I had with young children. I started listing my experience and kept adding that it was as a volunteer. Finally, the woman interviewing me started to laugh and said, "We love volunteers here, that is all wonderful experience!"
And as for being creative, well how much more creative can it get? I mean, a classroom full of 3 and 4 year olds and an arts and craft table, crayons, paper, scissors, and glue. When I was sitting in the room being interviewed, I felt excited and inspired. The only artwork in the room was the children's, and it was beautifully framed. A child's imagination is the most wonderful thing. Purple skies because you feel like it, orange grass because that's what was on the paint brush, not questioning if it's good enough--as a child you know it is! I know I will be inspired in this atmosphere.
Although I am excited about the new job, I have to admit that I still have a touch of mixed feelings because I have to go back to work. Every once in a while I get a twinge of guilt and a feeling of failure. I know I haven't failed, because I haven't given anything up. I will continue to write and do artwork, but a small part of me (it must be that inner critic) is telling me this isn't what I had planned. However, in the spirit of "everything happens for a reason," I am looking forward to finding out where all of this is going to lead. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/11/2004 07:15:00 AM |
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| Friday, September 03, 2004 |
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I am actively seeking a job. This in no way means I am giving up writing or art. I've come to the conclusion that it is what I need to do at the moment in order to continue and support my creative path.
I am done being upset by it. When the reality first hit that this would have to happen, I was really freakin' upset (to put it mildly). Upset to the point where I was almost physically sick thinking about working in the real world again. It was more than getting a job and not working from home anymore.
A year ago I was able to leave that world, and I never, ever wanted to go back there again. Knowing that I had to made me feel like a big, fat failure and I could hear all the negative crap I had to listen to before. You won't make money writing, It's really hard to break in to writing, once you start writing full time it will feel like a job and you'll want to quit that too, and so on. What was everyone going to think?
Caring about what other people think is a terrible waste of time. There is always someone who is going to have something bad to say (even if they don't have all the facts). As sad as this is, I thing it is just human nature. Over the past year, I have been working very hard to stop worrying about what others thing, and most of the time I am successful, but it is a very easy trap to get sucked into. Yes, I was trapped, but luckily I broke free.
I thought about how much I have done, learned and accomplished over this past year. It is amazing! Yes, that's right, I'm saying something nice about myself, and I don't feel bad or conceited or phony. I knew nothing about the writing and art world a year ago--only that I wanted to be part of it--and I can't even begin to list everything I have learned and done in this past year. A friend reminded me yesterday how much I have evolved, and I agree. As a person, writer, and artist, I have changed tremendously in a year. And sometimes when we change, we need to alter the plan.
When I first started to write, I was not sure what I wanted to write. I had no clue who to write for, what topics to write about, basically I wanted to write and that's about all I knew. I wrote fiction, non-fiction, essays, poems, short stories, and plotted novels in my head. I was unfocused and desperate to sell writing, so I would try anything and send stuff haphazardly to any place I could think of. The results were dismal. Then I didn't write, and I was miserable. I slowly started to figure out what kind of writer I wanted to be. I by no means have all the answers, but I think I am getting closer. Right now I am fairly certain that I want to be a novelist. It is what I have always wanted. Whenever I spoke about writing, it was always, "When I write a book," or, "I want to be the next Judy Blume." And when I envision myself as a writer that's what I see.
When I started writing the novel I'm working on now, things just clicked. I can't describe it, but it felt right. This is what I wanted. And knowing this, I also knew that to do this I would need a job. Eventually, this will pay off, but until it does, I need to do everything I can to support my dream. I need to write, an research, learn and be happy. At the moment, paying bills, and having extra cash are things that will make me less stressed. Being less stressed will make me happy, and will allow me to concentrate more on writing my novel. A job will support my dream, so it is a good think. That's when I became alright about the job search.
I wanted to mention my artist goals to, because they are important to me to. Recently I have been getting more positive feed back about illustrations and my cartoon, and I am feeling good about it. I want to do more with this, but I'm not 100% sure what that is. I would love to see my cartoon in syndication, but I know that is a long way off. I would love to illustrate more books, and I really want to illustrate a children's book. In the meantime I want to continue illustrating and learning as I try to figure out how I can make a living doing all of this. I'll take it one step and one drawing at a time.
Right now, a steady income is the right answer for me, my family, and my dreams. |
| posted by Kelly @ 9/03/2004 07:06:00 AM |
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| About Me |
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Name: Kelly Gibbons
Home: Dallas, Pennsylvania, United States
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